Here is a story about a first date I had this Memorial Day. At the end of this you might wonder why one would even use online dating. Well, I wonder that to myself all the time.
I first started corresponding with Melodya around April 30th on Match.com. Close to Memorial Day she said yes to my question if she wanted to meet. So we made plans to meet the evening before Memorial Day. Before I continue, I should mention that during the communication we had either on Match or via text messages, her answers were very short… sometimes only one word. She never asked anything about me. Both of these are red flags, but I try not to count someone out when I’ve never meet them.
About 10 minutes before I left to go meet her at a restaurant that she chose, she texted me to say that she couldn’t make it and if we could meet the next day. She gave me an excuse about visiting with a girlfriend too long. Between this and the red flags that were already going off, I decided not to pursue meeting her.
So, mid-afternoon on Memorial Day, she texted asking if we are going to meet. I wasn’t doing anything so I said sure. This time we meet at a restaurant near where I live. After she arrived (late), I started asking the normal first date “interview” questions such as how long she has been on Match and how many has she meet. She answered about two months and she has meet two men.
I then asked how the dates went and she said not good. I asked why and she told me she meet a policeman and she didn’t like him because he was “fat” (his pictures weren’t recent). I asked her, besides him being “fat”, what else was wrong and all she said was it was because he was fat. First off, using the word “fat” it a bit harsh… I would have used overweight. This created the biggest red flag with me which is she is shallow. With her having a brand new, very large breast job, just feed more into this red flag. I won’t date anyone who is shallow.
Our conversation went on mostly consisting of me asking questions and talking. She talked very little and when she did she did not say much. As the date went on I could tell that she wasn’t interested. At one point I almost asked her if we should go our separate ways. She grabbed her purse so I thought she was going to ask me the same thing.
Soon after that she rummaged through her purse and said she forgot her phone in her car. When she left to go get her phone, I knew she wasn’t coming back… and she didn’t. About five minutes later I got a text stating she had to leave because of a family emergency, which is complete bullshit.
That is just not cool! If I don’t think there is a romantic relationship, I figure I might meet a new friend so I always complete the dinner, coffee or whatever because I think that is the right thing to do. I guess not everyone thinks the same because this is the second time it’s happened to me. The first time, right after I greeted my date at a restaurant, she said she had to go to the bathroom and I never saw her again! Not right at all! Just remember Karma’s a bitch!
So, if you meet someone named Melodya on an online dating site, around 41 years old with breasts too large for her frame… RUNAWAY!
This is for all of you women who use online dating services such as Match.com or Yahoo Personals just to name a few. When you join you will of course get more interest if you upload pictures of yourself, but you need to take some time before you do to consider what message you are trying to convey and what man you are trying to attract. I see all too often horrible pictures and even ones that just flat-out disgust me. Now I’m writing this from a man’s point of view and also take into account that I’m also a photographer. I was going to post examples, but figured I would get in trouble, so below I’m going to list what I see wrong with pictures and or the message.
- Don’t post pictures of your kids! The number one thing that I believe is wrong and actually upsets me since I am also a father is posting pictures of you and your (minor) children or just of them! Really? Have you any idea of how many sick people are out there that might be more interested in kids and will use you to get to them? Come on! I’ve actually had arguments with women about this that just totally blew my mind that she didn’t get this?! It’s your job to protect your kids and my policy is I never post a picture of my minor child online in any way!
- Smile! I see so many pictures where women are not smiling. I can’t figure out if they are having a bad day or just don’t like to smile. Either way DO NOT POST THEM! I believe that many women are doing that runway model frown or pouty look… well believe me, unless you are a runway model you can’t pull this off! Stop it! We like to see you smiling
- Show Off Your Eyes! The eyes are the window to the soul, so why do you insist on wearing sunglasses or squinting so we can’t see them? When you do this it seems you have something to hide… we will click on to the next profile.
- Make Sure We Can See you! So many pictures are too small or you are too small in them. I see pictures taken in the sun when its behind you and we can’t see you at all! Just a silhouette. Pictures of you and your girlfriends makes it hard to find you (especially when you look the same) and you are a minor part of the picture. Just please make sure you take up 70% of the photo or more and are well lighted!
- Careful On What You Are Wearing! Take note of what you are wearing in the picture. Bathing suites, lingerie, bras, showing as much cleavage as possible might not attract the man you are looking for. As a matter of fact, I will guarantee it will attract the wrong one unless alcoholics, losers, perverts are what you are looking for!
- Always Post More Than One Picture! When someone has only one, this is a good sign that it’s a scam (someone looking to cheat money out of us or prostitution) or someone grabbed a photo off the internet and is messing with us (a teenager or a 50-year-old pervert pretending to be a hot young chick).
- Minimize Pictures Of Your Pets! We are not on a dating site to date your pets; we are there to date you! In general we really don’t care about your pets. So, if most of the pictures are you and your pet or just of your pet… then you are just a few short steps away from being a “cat lady”. This screams “runaway” in our minds! Just put in your profile what you have pets, that is enough.
- No Men In Your Picture! Make sure there aren’t any men in your picture unless you can write a caption to explain who it is (which Match.com doesn’t allow). Sure this might seem insecure, but what would you think if we posted a picture with our arms around a hot blond? Think about it. Also don’t try to cut ex’s out of a pic, it’s too obvious. Babies are a no-no too.
- Get Your Pictures Professionally Done! If you are serious and online dating and attracting the man of your dreams, then get your pictures done by a professional or someone who knows what they are doing. I don’t mean a place like Glamour Shots either, we all know those pictures are not real and ignore them. One of the best profile pictures I ever saw was from a woman that hired a photographer and shot them in Balboa Park as the sun was going down. No hair and makeup crew, just nice “real” pictures.
I will keep adding to this list. I hope you take my words to heart, if you don’t and for some strange reason you keep getting emails or winks by losers, alcoholics, liars, cheaters and worse, then I warned you!
I have been in the online dating scene for longer then I care to admit… actually before there were online dating sites! I have so many stories it’s not funny. I’m wondering if these things really work. Sure, the ads say they do but we all know the success rate has to be pretty low. I’d love to hear your stories… good and bad. I have heard so many bad stories when I have been on dates it’s pretty scary.
Please leave a comment and tell your story.
You are not going to belive this email I got from a woman on Yahoo Personals:
“I am seeking someone willing to help me out with 2000.00 cash for back due rent due to job lay off. If this interests you I am offering a couple of hours of my time at your place for an erotic adventure on a weekly basis. I am not looking for a one night stand nor am I looking to meet a bunch of men. Because I am very pressed for time I am needing the full 2000 cash upfront on our first meeting. If you are interested lets get together and have some great fun.”
Now I have seen it all!