Dave’s Cube Life Etiquette

If you are like me and not lucky enough to have a private office at work and have to work in “cube land”, then I am guessing you could be as frustrated as I am with the people around you. It’s amazing how unprofessional professionals are! I’m a software engineer and it’s worse for me because most of us need a calm, quite atmosphere to concentrate. Very hard to achieve in the big open cube rooms of today. This is why I much prefer to work at home. I estimate I can get as much done in two days at home as I do in five days in the cube farm.

So below are a list of things you can anonymously leave on your co-workers desk to teach them how to be a good cube citizen.

Cube Life Etiquette

  1. Use your quite voice in the cube farm. Remember how we were told that as kids and/or we tell that to our kids? Well you need to do that do so others can work instead of being distracted by your conversation. Remember, you are not at a bar or a sporting event!
  2. Make or take personal calls in private! Always make your personal calls or answer them outside or somewhere private like a conference room or an empty office. No one wants to hear your calls to your doctor, kids school, arguing with your significant other, talking your mom out of marrying a drunk etc. This just brings in drama into the office and it’s just plain inappropriate. For some reason when people use the phone, their voice goes up 3-4 decibels. Use your cell phone and take it somewhere else. Never use company phones, it’s not your phone and you never know if big brother is listening.
  3. Don’t sleep at your desk. If you are that tired or hung over, stay home! If you need to sleep, go to your car. Sleeping at your desk is just plain unprofessional. Not sure why companies put up with it. The guy in the cube next to me where I currently work, not only sleeps but snores!
  4. Smokers use breath mints!!! If you are going to blow 10-15 minutes of work time ever hour or so taking time off of your life (smoking) then do us all a favor and pop a few Altoids before you come back into the office. None of us non-smokers what to smell you when you get back into your cube!!
  5. Don’t scratch your butt in the hall! I’m not kidding you… I was trying to go to the printer and this guy was standing in my way, hand down his pants scratching his butt. Please! Not good and any public situation!
  6. Take care of your personal hygiene at home or in the bathroom! No one wants to hear you clipping your nails etc. at your desk!
  7. Make coffee when the pot is almost empty! Okay, this is more office etiquette, but are your hands broken? Is there a reason you leave the pot empty or almost empty? Dang, it takes 10 seconds out of your so important day to make a pot. Come on!
  8. Fill the copier with paper! If the copier ran out of paper then put some more in! Just don’t walk away. If I catch you doing this then be prepared for a swift kick in the ass. If there are no more reams of paper, GO FIND SOME! I’m not your paper bitch!

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